Graeme Reynolds is a Student Success Coach and Designated Safeguarding Officer at Hartlepool College. As part of our 16 Days of Action Against Domestic Violence campaign, we sat down with him to discuss why raising awareness matters, what healthy relationships look like, and how students can access support.
Why Does This Campaign Matter?
"Students often spend more time with us, as staff at the college, than they do at home," Graeme explains. "It's eye-opening to see the kinds of things teenagers go through. It's different from how it was even 15 years ago."
The shift Graeme identifies is largely about boundaries – or the lack of them. "Once upon a time, once a student left college or passed through the school gates, they could leave whatever they were experiencing behind and at least get a bit of respite. That's no longer the case now as relationships extend out to social media, so learners often experience no boundary between their college life and their personal home life. A large part of my role is about helping learners set up healthy boundaries, while removing any barriers that might be preventing them from attending or achieving at college."
Graeme believes we need more open conversations about what abuse actually looks like. "Red flags aren't just about cheating or being physically violent – abuse could involve financial or social control, which can be much more subtle. Does a good boyfriend or girlfriend try to keep tabs on where you are, or who you are spending time with? Do they control your money, your job, or try to push you into doing something you don't want to do? A big green flag for healthy relationships is whether you're experiencing freedom – choosing your own friendships and direction in life, not feeling like someone has tabs on you."
Gender and Social Pressure
Graeme is frank about the gendered dynamics he observes through his role. "Gender roles and stereotypes are ingrained in lots of my conversations with students. It's slowly changing, but still feels skewed towards unquestioned freedom for males, but more pressure on females to conform and submit rather than have their own agency and freedom."
He's also concerned about local attitudes toward masculinity. "In Hartlepool, I feel we are a bit behind in our view of what masculinity is, and whether that matches up to what is healthy. Young men worry about what their friends might think if they show compassion in a relationship. Men often feel unable to show that they are upset, frightened, or vulnerable. Not only does this contribute towards the issue of violence against women and girls, but it contributes towards male victims of domestic violence feeling unable to come forward, too."
As the only male member of the safeguarding team, Graeme takes this responsibility seriously. "It's important to let young people know it's OK to be vulnerable. It's OK to be upset, frightened, and scared. But it's never OK to hurt or control other people."
If You're Worried About a Friend
"Friends often want to give advice but that can come between the friendship," Graeme acknowledges. "It's important to balance whether the loss of the friendship will mean the victim then has no support at all. Sometimes it's enough for a friend to recognise signs of abuse and share that with the victim. It's not always a good idea to encourage them to leave their partner because that can drive them further away, but it can help them have clarity by presenting the facts: It's not OK to be treated in this way. No one deserves to be abused."
Students can educate themselves through resources like Harbour and the NHS website, or speak confidentially with the safeguarding team. Incidents can always be reported anonymously through our online form, allowing the college to intervene and support where necessary.
How the College Can Help
When a student comes to Graeme with a concern, his first priority is creating a safe space. "Sometimes an impartial ear is all that's needed – it's normal and healthy for students to vent about frustrations in relationships. Sometimes we give more direct advice or signpost towards specialist support. In more serious cases, action could involve making a referral to another agency. We always let students know we can't guarantee confidentiality if there's a certain level of risk to themselves or others. The learner's safety is our top priority."
The college has strong links with services like Harbour, ensuring students can access expert support. "If we don't know the answer ourselves, we'll always know someone within our network who can help."
Why We Need to Keep Talking About It
"Domestic violence has been unbearable for many people to talk about for far too long," Graeme reflects. "That discomfort is gradually being broken down so the invisibility and shame carried by victims is being broken down, too."
He draws hope from cultural shifts – from Italian footballers wearing the names of important women in their lives to raise awareness about violence against women and girls, to changing media representations. "It's refreshing to see empowering representations, shining a light on healthy relationships and the things we need to leave in the past."
Graeme's final message is unequivocal: "Domestic violence cannot ever be tolerated – the more people who stand up against it make less people likely to be harmed. Experiencing domestic violence is never something to feel ashamed of or guilty about."
If you or someone you know needs support, contact the Hartlepool College safeguarding team or use our online form. For specialist advice, contact Harbour or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
